Why am I afraid of falling in love

 Although it sounds ironic, the beginning to receive love and closeness can be truly terrifying for some people. There is a fear of falling in love and maintaining intimate relationships , which, in the most severe cases, can cause physical symptoms such as tachycardia, nausea, sweating, dizziness and even the person who suffers from it may experience panic attacks. Sounds amazing doesn't it?

In this Psychology-Online article we are going to help you answer your question " Why am I afraid of falling in love? " We will delve into where this fear of love comes from, what are the characteristics of people who are afraid of love, what are the consequences of suffering it as well as some tips to overcome it.

How to know if a person is afraid of love

Being afraid of love is usually more common than it seems and although most people like to be loved and offer love, there are others who simply reject and evade it. This extreme fear of falling in love or love is called philophobia. In reality, it is not that the person does not want to feel loved, because deep down it is what they most want, but the desire they feel is equivalent to their fear of suffering and being hurt.

On many occasions, this curious phobia is generated because the person has lived through a traumatic past experience , such as a bad relationship with a partner in which they were betrayed, abused and / or used, so it creates an emotional barrier that does not affect them. allows you to let yourself live and experience the pleasure of love.

When a person is afraid of falling in love, they tend to adopt a series of typical behaviors . Some of them are the following:

When they notice that the relationship with a person is becoming closer and closer, inevitably they begin to move away from it , to avoid it, stop frequenting it and show indifference towards that person.

They fall in love with impossible people to convince themselves that they really do want to love someone, but that for one reason or another it is impossible for them to start a relationship.

When they are meeting a person, from the beginning they find flaws (real or not) and focus solely on them.

They establish relationships with people who are not related to them and in this way they end up confirming that love is not for them.

They tend to create conflict with the couple in order that the other person decides to leave the relationship.

They do not take the time to get to know a person, so they often make excuses such as that they are very busy with work, they like to spend more time with friends, they are not interested in meeting someone, etc.

Symptoms of a person who is afraid of love

People with philophobia or fear of love really want to have that closer emotional bond, as well as to give and receive love. However, when they realize that this is about to happen and that they are beginning to feel something for that person, they immediately begin to experience anxiety and negative thoughts assail them, which can even lead them to have certain physical reactions , like the following:

• Anxiety
• Sweating
• Stomach ache
• Tachycardia
• Dizziness
• Panic attacks

Where does the fear of love come from

There are a number of factors that can influence a person to suffer from philophobia or fear of love. Some of these factors are as follows:

Having experienced negative or traumatic past experiences with other partners

Fear of rejection that often has to do with an unresolved child issue where the child was not accepted by his parents.

Fear of losing control of their life, since it is difficult for them to adapt to changes, they are afraid that letting go and experiencing love will make them lose their freedom and personal autonomy.

Finding yourself in a society that increasingly promotes individuality.

• Having had little affectionate parents.
• Fear of commitment and responsibility that involves having a life as a couple because they can feel under a lot of pressure
• Fear of being abandoned
• Parental divorce during childhood

Having low self-esteem, since they feel that they do not deserve to be loved by someone and they always look down on themselves, which also increases the fear of being abandoned.

What consequences can be afraid of love

Denying the opportunity to love can have some consequences for the growth and emotional development of the person. Among them is missing the opportunity to have a new life experience, since even if it is positive or negative, one learns from all experiences.

Another negative issue of rejecting love is that it encourages the person to isolate himself more and more from others. You lose the opportunity to have trusted people by your side that you can count on when you need it most, over time you lose the ability to share, not only as a couple but also in other types of intimate relationships such as friendship.

On the other hand, finding ourselves in one or more relationships helps us increase our emotional maturity.

Tips to overcome the fear of falling in love

If you are a person who constantly asks "Why am I afraid of falling in love" and you are reading this article, it is because you surely want to stop feeling it. Probably deep down you would like to start having a relationship but you have not dared to take the decisive step to do so or it may be that you are in a relationship right now and you are afraid of letting yourself go and start experiencing love. That is why we have prepared a series of tips that, if you put them into practice, will help you begin to overcome that fear.

Recognize that you are afraid of love

This is the most important and often the most difficult step to begin to overcome this fear. You have to dare not only to recognize that you are afraid to love and receive love, but also that just as you fear it, you want it. Deep down you want to be loved and accepted by another person, but you are so afraid that even you can make yourself believe that it is not like that. Dare to take this step because that way you will begin to feel better about yourself by being honest, which does not make you weaker but quite the opposite.

Identify your defense mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are those that you put on yourself to protect yourself and in this case avoid all kinds of contact with another person that may imply greater closeness and intimacy. For example, one of the defense mechanisms used by people who are afraid of falling in love, is to tell themselves and others that they are not interested in having a relationship, that they are fine without a partner or that they do not want to complicate their lives that so they are more than happy. Another could be that every time they meet someone new, they begin to see their flaws and in this they hide to stop dating that person.

Also, as we saw previously, there are people who get into a relationship but who are already in it do everything possible to end up failing or those who spend too much time at work or with friends and "can't find" the moment to go out with someone. Identify the defense mechanism that you use the most to avoid intimacy and closeness. Think of some specific situations and analyze them so that you can help yourself to identify it.

Modify your behavior and thoughts

After you have identified your defense mechanisms that you use most frequently, make an effort to modify those thoughts or behaviors that do not allow you to give yourself the opportunity to let yourself feel and change them to more constructive ones. For example, if the defense mechanism you use the most is to find fault with the people you date, you can change your strategy and focus more on their strengths.

As well as telling yourself more realistic things like: "people are not known so quickly", "we all have flaws and virtues", "nobody is perfect", "I can not judge someone just knowing him", etc. Another case may be, for example, if you spend a lot of time with your friends and work and do not take time to meet someone, you can start to better organize your time and give priority to people with whom you can have a possible relationship .

Focus on the present moment

Remember that all fears are generated by situations that are not occurring in the present moment as they are concerns about the future . That intense fear that you have is caused by your own thoughts about what may or may not happen. Think that nothing is happening at this moment and surely the moment you start dating someone either, stop focusing on what you think is going to happen. Nobody really knows what will happen in the future, learn to live life moment after moment because only then will you be able to savor it and enjoy it to the fullest.

Give yourself a chance to try

Allow yourself to experiment and dare to live a feeling as pleasant as love. Think that if things turn out good or bad with that person, in the end what matters is having lived it, having gained another experience for your life. Do not stop giving yourself the opportunity to share with another person, to love and feel loved, you cannot deprive yourself of one of the most extraordinary sensations that exist.

Last but not least, mention that in case your fear of falling in love is so intense and you have the feeling that it is stronger than you or that you would simply like to receive external help to be able to overcome it. Do not forget that psychotherapy can be supportive and effective in overcoming all types of phobias and will also help you increase and improve your quality of life.