No one loses by giving love, loses who doesn’t know how to receive it
Nobody loses by giving love, because offering it with sincerity, passion and delicate affection dignifies us as people. On the other hand, the one who does not know how to receive it or take care of that immense gift is the one who truly loses. So remember, never regret having loved and lost, because the worst thing does not know how to love.
Fortunately, neuroscience offers us revealing information day after day that explains why we act as we act in this love affair. The first thing to remember is that the human brain is not prepared for loss , it overtakes us, immobilizes us and cloisters us for a time in the palace of suffering .
We are genetically programmed to connect with each other and to build emotional ties with which to feel safe, with which to build a project. This is how we have survived as a species, “connecting”, hence a loss, a separation, and even a simple misunderstanding instantly triggers the alarm signal in our brain.
Now, another complex aspect on the subject of affective relationships is the way in which we face this separation, this rupture. From a neurological point of view, it can be said that stress hormones begin to be released instantly, forming in many cases what is known as " broken heart ". However, from an emotional and psychological point of view, what many people feel is another type of reality.
They do not only experience the pain for the lack of a loved one. They feel a loss of energy , of vital breath . It is as if all the love given, all the hopes and affections dedicated to that person have gone as well, leaving them empty, barren, withered...
So ... how can we love again if the only thing that lives inside us is the dust of a bad memory? We need to face these moments in a different way. We will talk about it below.
Give love or avoid
loving again
All of us are a delicate and chaotic compendium of past stories, of lived emotions, of hidden bitterness and camouflaged fears. When a new relationship starts, nobody does it by previously sending all their past experiences to the recycle bin. Nobody starts from "0". Everything is there, and the way in which we have managed our past will make us live an affective and emotional present with greater maturity, with greater fullness.
Now, the fact of having experienced a bitter betrayal in our own skin or, simply, perceiving that love has faded in our partner's heart greatly changes the way we see things . Giving love with intensity during a certain time, and then remaining empty and cloistered in the room of memories and lost illusions, many times changes the architecture of our personality.
There is no shortage of those who become distrustful, and even those who little by little develop the cold and iron armor of isolation where to internalize the classic mantra of "better not to love so as not to suffer”. However, it is necessary to tear down a basic idea in these processes of slow "self-destruction".
We should never regret having loved, having risked all or nothing for that person. It is those acts that dignify us, those that make us human and wonderful at the same time.
Living is loving and loving is giving meaning to our lives through all the things we do: our work, our hobbies, our personal and emotional relationships ...
If we renounce loving or regret having offered it, we also renounce the most beautiful part of ourselves.
Heal lost love
According to a study carried out at the University College London , there are certain differences between men and women when it comes to coping with an emotional breakdown. The emotional response seems to be very different. Women feel the impact of separation much more, however it is common for them to recover earlier than men.
They, for their part, tend to appear well, they dress in the mask of strength, taking refuge in their occupations and responsibilities.
However, they do not always manage to overcome that break or take years to do so. The reason? The female sex usually has better skills to manage their emotional world . Facilitating relief , seeking support and facing what happened from a perspective where forgiveness is found and the attitude of turning the page often makes things easier.
Be that as it may, and regardless of the genders or the reason that caused this rupture, some things that need to be inoculated into our heart as a vaccine are clear. No emotional failure should veto us from our chance to be happy again. Let's say "no" to being slaves of the past and eternal captives of suffering.
Another aspect that is good to remember is that loving is not synonymous with suffering. Do not feed hopes or lengthen the "gum" of a relationship that has an expiration date in advance. A withdrawal on time saves hearts and a brave goodbye closes one door to open another
